Don Wood Speaks...

I found this in an article available at Yahoo!...an interview with Don Wood. One of my closest female friends (I actually only have a handful, but she is one of my closest friends in general) read the article and gave me orders to go marry this man. *laugh*


Obvious questions first. What was your role in the colony? I was the Foreman, and a freeman. "Bearded Man #2."

Eligible bachelor? Yeah, sure.

How did you come to be involved in the show? It was an accident. I was on the PBS web site for something else, and I saw the casting call for Colonial House. It was the last day to apply. The video I sent in with my application was literally a video of me and my dog walking to the mailbox to mail this videotape that had to be postmarked that day.

What was the casting process like? There was the initial video and picture, and then a phone interview. I made another video, then they sent someone to interview me on camera, and then the psych evaluation -

How’d you do? Um, it was basically pass/fail. As long as they didn’t think you were going to kill somebody, you were in.

What do you do in real life? I’m a carpenter living in Sunnyside Queens.
Are you the outdoorsy type? Not really. I mean, maybe, but I think what really prepared me for this experience was having done some crazy jobs, like I worked in Alaska for a summer and I’ve done 100-hour weeks on end in theaters. Things that put you out of touch with the outside world, which for me was more of the struggle of doing the show. I'm bad with, like, normal, everyday things, anyway. [laughs] I’d so much rather swing an axe or lift 100 logs than have to open a bank account.

Watching the show, you seem pretty comfortable. Yeah... I had come to the realization pretty early on that I was damn lucky to get to do this, and I was going to make the most of it. The real heroes were the kids. I mean, it was different for everybody, but for those parents, seeing your kids cold and hungry, that's hard. But the kids were great. It took them like five minutes to adjust, to say, okay, this is my new life. And that's the only attitude you can have, really - because you never leave the colony, and you don’t have any outside influences, and so you lose that perspective, of wishing to be somewhere else or doing something else.

There must have been things you missed. Food. It’s tough not to think about all the meals you’re gonna eat when you get back.

So, okay, it’s 1628, but there are cameras filming-did that affect your behavior? The cameras were there maybe four days per week, more at the end. It’s not like those reality shows where they film literally everything. But, sure, being on camera influences the way you act - I got into a few knockdown, drag-out fights that probably wouldn’t have happened if the camera were on.

Do tell. There was one time when Dominic and I practically came to blows.

Boys... Yeah, we just had two different mindsets about what we were doing-I was there to live the 1628 lifestyle, and to work, and as the colony Foreman, it was my job to make sure he was working, which he didn’t want to do a lot of the time. To his credit, he was sort of picked off the street in London, and he basically thought he was coming to America for this camping trip/vacation, which this definitely was not.

How did you manage to hide that from the cameras? We had these “visits from the future” where the producers would basically check in with Jeff, the Colony Governor, to get a feel for what they should be covering that day, and Jeff had a family to take care of, that was his priority, so he didn’t know everything that was going on all the time, so this slipped under his radar.

Dominic is the badboy who leaves the colony and goes to town in Episode 4? Yeah, that’s him.

What kept you from going to town and getting beer? Why go to town with my funny clothes on? I felt like I would’ve let myself down if I’d done that.

So, you followed the rules? Hell no. Not at all the time. I stopped going to church about week 7. It just felt bad, to be next to someone who really believes in the spiritual experience, and I’m sitting there, faking it. And the no-profanity rule was tough to follow. I wore the scarlet “P” so much that I just started carrying it around with me because eventually I’d swear and have to put it on.

Part of the 1628 rules say that women and indentured servants were not allowed to be involved in the business of the colony and in decision-making meetings. What was it like to treat women as your inferiors? Anyone who believes that the women on this show were treated anything less than equal is just wrong.

But weren’t they required to obey you, as a freeman? We had these rules of governance that we were supposed to follow, but that particular one lasted about a week. The ladies weren’t having it. And it’s not like you have to be at the meeting to have the real power, you know? These were a bunch of women who run their households, and that comes through.

Did you do anything you regretted while there? Anything, or anyone? [laughs] No, there was no fooling around on the show. I don’t know… maybe, words said in anger, stuff like that.

Are you keeping in touch with the rest of the colonists? Yeah, I started this Yahoo group that everyone makes fun of, but it’s for colonists only - just for the 26 of us to talk and share our experiences, deal with how alienating it is to be back, stuff like that. It’s also started some press scandals, you know. Who’s interviewing whom. No one wants to talk to “Bearded Man #2”.

Hey, I am! Well, yeah, thank you.

Oprah aired her Colonial House segment last Monday. What was it like to have Oprah in the house? A zoo. A complete zoo. Nothing like the rest of the experience. It was good that it came at the end because it was a circus. We had one camera crew the whole time, and she shows up with four. There were, like, twice as many people in the colony when Oprah showed up.

Wait, I have a stupid question, what was that stuff you guys put in your hair before church? Fuller’s Earth? You can still buy that stuff. It’s this extremely fine powder. You comb it through, and, yeah-your hair is clean. And standing up in all directions.

Did you wear underwear? I did not. The governor and the preacher had them, but I don’t think they wore them much.

Back to less shallow matters, what surprised you most about the experience? The variety of ways that the project could be approached and the reasons that people came. How much I came to respect some of the deeply religious people who were there, and how much I was able to respect and befriend people with such different backgrounds and beliefs.

Would you do it again? Absolutely.


OK, I'm in too good of a mood today to blog properly since, well, this was intended as a place to spew when I was feeling low, so I may be quiet for a while.

Don Wood: Cloning subject number 0000002

OK, yes, I watched all 8 hours of Colonial House and decided that there need to be more men like Don Wood in this world. However, there aren't. And, the only one I know of is in NYC (halfway across the country) and not even a remote dream of a prospect, so, back to my perfect state of asexuality, eh?

Fine, imperfect state of asexuality.

Speaking of imperfect states, my insignificant other called me tonight to tell me that he will be moving to my block next month. It will be interesting to be living so close to him, or rather, to have him living so close to me. He also brought up the possibility of us renting a storage area together. After, he tried to get me to come out with him to see a band he may possibly start playing for. A bit over a year ago, I made the apparent mistake of broaching the subject most aptly expressed by the question "WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON BETWEEN US???" and got the shocked response that left me with the impression that I am not his type (not a petite ditzy young naive thing who will hang on his every word) and that he does NOT get involved with people with whom he games.

This led to lots of soul-searching and a month of me stepping way back from him. During that month, I was supposed to meet his parents who were in town from the other side of the country (southwards), an event over which he was very excited. Also, other friends of ours reported to me that I had apparently "put the fear of God into him" by stepping away after making it clear to him that he had not been pulling his weight in our relationship. He expressed to me that he was upset to realize that he really was unable to tell me one minor thing about myself, or a small anecdote about me that was not common knowledge whereas I often found myself as the sole member of our social group who knew anything about his family, that he had a niece, or even what her name is.

So, no matter how often I want to scream the question of what is going on between us at him, I won't. If the issue is brought up again, it will be his doing so. Also, well, I have found ways to cope and step back. My main method is to not expect anything from him, to the point of not expecting him to show up when he and I have plans. As a result, I have no qualms about being very honest with him when he asks my opinion. He understands that, unless he wants to know what I think, he shouldn't ask me. That is a sort of trust I don't think he has ever experienced before. At times, I wonder if he hangs around out of morbid curiosity...perhaps a touch of massochism too since, well, I know that such truth can cause a sting at times.

Am I worried about being stung by truth myself? No. Not really. Nobody can hurt me as much as I have been hurt already in my life and, more important, nobody can hurt me as much as I have hurt myself. I truly am my own worst critic. But, what is the strangest thing, is that there is such freedom in that. There is no hurt that can be tossed at me. There is no worry about what someone else will think. I often times simply do not care what others think and so, isolate myself more than other people, but hey, that's fine by me.

Yeah, it is a sort of freedom--no ties to hold me down, yo.

OK, I must admit though, if Don Wood were to call...or Karl Urban, well, bring on the ties ;)

A Million Miles Away

While taking a shower tonight, Jim Boyd's song, A Million Miles Away, came flying into my head through the open window. I don't know how. Depressing, maybe. But, for me, the song holds so much meaning because of the time in my life and the time I spent road-tripping back and forth to Canada years ago. I think that it was at a time I felt, deep down, that it was time to leave MN and I wanted to bring my love with me, to run away together and start a new life together. I had seen him at his most fragile, and he at mine. There were no pretenses between us and we really could feel each other hundreds of miles apart. I thought we saw each other for what we were. Now, though, I wonder. Of course, I may have seen him too clearly and that is why I had to back away...far away and cut him out.

It just hit me that, before that disc became such an integral part of my aural existence, one that was the main meaning holder for me was Van Morrison's Brand New Day. It was because I did feel like I was getting out of a truly dark time in my life and those trips up north and back south--especially the pre-dawn drives south when I watched the sun rise--made the song very poingant (sp?).

So, in my horrid lyric quoting way, here are the lyrics to both songs, signifying the beginning and the middle of my last relationship long ago.

Brand New Day - Van Morrison
When all the dark clouds roll away
And the sun begins to shine
I see my freedom from across the way
And it comes right in on time
Well it shines so bright and it gives so much light
And it comes from the sky above
Makes me feel so free makes me feel like me
And lights my life with love
Chorus:
And it seems like and it feels like
And it seems like yes it feels like
A brand new day, yeah
A brand new day oh

I was lost and double crossed
With my hands behind my back
I was longtime hurt and thrown in the dirt
Shoved out on the railroad track
I've been used, abused and so confused
And I had nowhere to run
But I stood and looked
And my eyes got hooked
On that beautiful morning sun
Chorus
And the sun shines down all on the ground
Yeah and the grass is oh so green
And my heart is still and I've got the will
And I don't really feel so mean
Here it comes, here it comes
0 here it comes right now
And it comes right in on time
Well it eases me and it pleases me
And it satisfies my mind
Chorus


A Million Miles Away - Jim Boyd
When I see your face in the firelight
I wonder how the fire started
Some people might call you pretty
But I'd call you broken-hearted
And I've got a map in my pocket
That has your name written in blue
I'll follow you like a river
If you just guide me through
Chorus:
Let's rent a car and drive it,
A million miles away
Let's start a fire and survive it.
A million miles away
Let's steal the sun and hide it,
A million miles away
Let's find a storm and ride it,
A million miles away
When I see you dance in the barlight
I wonder when the song'll end
Some people might think you graceful
But I think you're brittle and bent
And I've got a map in my pocket
Where every town is named for you
I'll make a stop in all of 'em
If you just guide me through
Chorus
When I see you read by the candlelight
I wonder if you'll hurt your eyes
Some people like happy endings
But I've always liked a surprise
And I've got a map here in my pocket
That shows where Lucifer fell
Ya I'll fall from Heaven
If you guide me through Hell


I suppose I was a grownup to decide to head out somewhere to start life again on my own without him. I don't know. I still miss him terribly as the years go on. You think that there should come a day that you stop. But, no matter who I hooked-up with or who I spent time with and tried to focus my emotions on since, I always have a spot in my heart that will never belong to me again. And, that spot does ache within me; a constant dull throbbing that, late at night, becomes more noticeable. I often wonder "What if I blew it? What if I really had found the ONE I was meant to be with and tossed it away? Maybe I found the right man, but at the wrong time. And, will having closed off that door keep me from ever finding him again at the right time?"

What is the use of wondering, huh? It's done. And, well, there really is no going back, no matter how much regret, how much hurt, how much wishing and praying and planning on how to do things better this time. There really are no second chances, are there? No.

Stick Jock in the Making

OK, I am finally doing it. The order for legs and arms and a new helm goes in tomorrow. Next week, it's off to the nearest leather supplier to get nice thick skin to boil and cover my own pasty white stuff in the form of armor. Then, something to protect my neck and my hands and then, there you have it, heavy-fighter me.

My knight gave me the necessary kick in the arse to finally get my gear together. My bank account agreed with him, as did my need for an escape from rapier combat for a little while since seeing who has been honored of late in that sport. I do enjoy my local people, but the love for the sport is fleeting at times. So, a new sport is needed to restore faith.

And, well, ya gotta have faith
faith faith...

night

Spaghetti Western

Don't be a fool for a smile or a kiss
Or your bullet might miss.
Keep your eye on your goal.
There's just one thing that can save you your life
That's your hand on your knife
And the devil in your soul...

Yes, I love a good spaghetti western. Bob Robertson was truly a kick ass director. *laugh* yes, I know, Sergio Leone directed the true spaghetti westerns, but the American name he used to get them sold in the US was Bob Robertson. So there. Nyaaaaah.

The guys came over for a game tonight. It was alright, but I still feel so apart from them even though I do spend so much time with them; much more than with any women. I mentioned my experience this week-end with my mother to my insignificant other via email today. He didn't address anything I told him in there, but asked if he could come over tomorrow night to do some stuff and hang out. Strange stuff. I don't think I'll ever really find out what is going on with him. There are times we seem so together, but then, it is like a light goes on and whatever was happening scurries away like cockroaches on a kitchen floor.

Dunno. Oh well. My mood tonight is pretty blah. I need to wake up, ya know? Maybe doing work on my camping stuff this week-end will help a lot. I think that making something pretty will definitely be a good thing.

wheeeee. Maybe I'll watch a western too.

Happy Mother's Day

OK, my life is turning into a sad sitcom.

Today, I went to visit my mother, it being Mother's Day and all. It was a moderately pleasant time--helping my parents transplant a couple shrubs in their small yard and catching up on stuff. My mother and I had a nice political discussion about issues going on right now in the news and all was good.

That is until she excitedly informed me that she found something for me: information about a singles group in town. She then rummaged around, looking for the small brochure. I told her that I was not interested at all in a group where people got together with the sub-text of "Hey, who can I f*ck here?"

She didn't seem to understand. I pointed out that I didn't want to deal with people who either lie about or gloss over who they really are because they have the goal of playing a game of sorts where the end-goal is a hook-up. She sort of started understanding. I thanked her for her efforts, but told her I would rather stay away from anything that targeted young(ish) single folks. It was too singles bar and not something at all in which I have an interest. By this time, she found the brochure and looked like she wanted to make one last-ditch effort, but didn't.

I really, truly loathe dating. It is all one big act to try convincing the other person that you are someone with whom they should hook up. The common belief is that if they know lots about you, they will stay away. This is complete sh*t. I say, show your cards up front so you can really find out if you should be together. Not enough people do this, so I prefer to get to really know someone before looking at them in any sort of romantic way. If I do look at someone and say "Wow. I really want to f*ck him," then I will and just get it over with. And, I never want to see them again because, well, things are pretty much over with then, eh? Don't know the person and just hook up. Pretty much done with. I also don't trust anyone who approaches me with the desire to date me or take me out. What do they know of me? Yeah, they like my chest. Or, they like my hair, or, they got a hard-on when I walked by. That definitely is a way to determine that you want to date someone. It is all F*cking Bullsh*t.

There are times I regret having not gotten pregnant when I was with Glenn. I wouldn't have told him at all and just disappeared from his life. I guess I knew that I shouldn't spend my life with him when he made a comment about how he was so excited that his ex's son was going to be a teenager soon and he could teach him about girls. It made my blood turn cold and made me a bit nauseous at the thought of him passing on his ways to a new generation. He did have wonderful genes though and his family was very good with no history of alcoholism or other such issues--and no baldness.

Yeah, I miss his genes. I would have loved having a child half-comprising of them. I just would NOT be able to deal with him having anything to do with the child's upbringing.

Yeah. Happy Mother's Day.

Which is more dangerous: slapping a Nazi or kissing a Canadian?

Happy Bevrijdingsdag. Slap a Nazi to celebrate the holiday. Or, if you want to live a little less dangerously, kiss a Canadian.

I don't sing karaoke. People here take it way too seriously. However, I do have a list of songs I would perform if forced. They are ones that are in my range and I love belting out. The top five are...

Untouchable Face by Ani DiFranco
Crying by Roy Orbison
Dream On by Aerosmith
Not Drinking Enough by Don Henley
Sweet Pain by Blues Traveler

Is it wrong that those songs are all so depressing? They are all good tunes. They all have fun as hell vocals. However, they are all about bad relationships. Maybe that is why I can belt them out so well; practice.

I miss Glenn like hell still, even after nearly four years and more than adequate awareness that it was the right choice to walk away. And then walk away again. And then slam the door. And walk again. Yeah, multiple stages of walking away because it had to be physical, mental, and then emotional...then getting him to realize that he isn't allowed to keep trying to follow me. I miss that somewhat and feel like maybe I lied to get him to leave me alone by musing that perhaps there never really was anything between us and we were both just seeing what we wanted to see...not what was there. I hate myself for dismissing what really was a lot of emotion, but I couldn't have him repeatedly coming back into my life, slipping in here and there. He destroyed my trust repeatedly and, if we ever did get back together, I could never trust him and would be torturing myself constantly and making both of our lives hell.

*sigh* When one rips one's own heart out, it never really does grow back.

Just ask the Axis

Blue are the life-giving waters
Taken for granted
They quietly understand

I'm feeling way too close to those words at the moment. Yeah, I've asked the Axis and he knows jack sh*t, yo. He doesn't know everything. Of course, I never trust anything that supposedly knows so much, because it is just a big let-down in the end when you find out they don't.

Emmanuel chased me down last week. Emmanuel who claims that I am the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen. Last year, he approached me on the street, begging me to go out to dinner with him...something, ANYTHING. I politely declined, thanking him for the compliment, but pointing out that it would be a very bad idea to go out with me since I am not into dating at all and am in a very hateful place. I reiterated that status again last week. He seems like a nice guy, but I am simply not interested in him or anyone, really. That makes me really sad, but it is true. It would make me more sad to lie and go out with him (lie about being remotely interested) and then being simply cruel to either him or myself--I know I would be.

A lot of those things make me sad at the moment. I've been really good though about not getting preachy at one of the young'uns at practice today who oh so happily told me in that adorable optimistic 21 yr old way about how she may be moving halfway across the country to be with her 8 yrs older boyfriend. She has no other reason to go there and knows nobody there and has no job there. She hasn't lived in the same town as him and, well, I've known him and his ilk much longer. I don't respect him because this is his first relationship in which he is attempting to be monogamous and he went with such a young, naive woman who hasn't had time to figure out at all who she is and what she wants. In discussions with her months ago, I discovered that she is too afraid to tell him if she is uncomfortable with being kissed by his friends or with all the touchy-feeliness of his friends. It does not bode well. I am afraid for her.

A young woman who was dating the son of one of my close friends here moved halfway across the country from WA to IL to be with him. He was her only connection to the area. His friends were the only people she knew and the only people she associated with in her hope/belief that they would be together forever, again in that 21 yr. old way. He dumped her a couple weeks ago. She was the only intelligent choice I had ever seen him make...dating her, that is. He dumped her for a British tart who was making-out with his best friend 15 minutes before he decided he and she were MEANT to be. Of course, she was heading back to England in five weeks, so her trip to the States was just a vacation of sleeping around and drinking. He will be trying to figure out how to follow her. In the meantime, however, Jess is here in Chicago with only ties that remind her of him, a nowhere job, no education, and a blown self-esteem since she built her life and her choices around him so much.

I fear for the child at practice. I fear her going down this path or maybe, in five years, realizing that she missed out on learning about herself and her desires from life. She will either resign her own dreams or she will finally stand up for herself and possibly lose all faith in romance and her own choices and have a painful time trying to separate what she really is from the schoolgirl fantasy.

I had to go through similar things and look how happy I am. I guess we all have to live our own mistakes to learn from them and I should let her live her own. It irritates me because she was so happy to see me after so long and it was very clear that she looks up to me. Yet, I can't fulfill that role she has placed me in her life as an advisor because I know she will not appreciate my advice. I've known her boyfriend for much longer than she. And, I am interested in him because he reminds me of Glenn in many ways, but I willfully stay away because, well, that path brings madness and it is just not a good guy to get involved with.

I fear for her. I fear for myself. I've got to get rid of these fears, I know.

OK, enough spew for tonight. Time to dream.