The dreams that have escaped you and the hopes that you've forgotten...

Well, I am officially the only member of my group of female friends who has never been married. Or, at least I will be and may as well be currently. The last of my single female friends got engaged to another friend of mine over the weekend. There was no surprize since the two have been attached at the hip so much over the past four years that I pretty much got sick of spending time with the two of them due to the level of sweetness and unintentional couply isolation...and they have only been involved with each other since last August.

So, I guess that I have been the only single person in my group since last August and shouldn't be feeling so left behind. I like to think that I have skipped ahead since I have pretty much (99%) given up on ever being with someone and am looking at buying a house and preparing to have a kid...solo-style.

I don't know. Sometimes, I think it might be nice to have a team-mate; someone with whom to make decisions and sort of lighten the burden a little. However, it never has turned out that way for me. I'm constantly finding myself carrying the load for two and getting no support in turn. So, I get squashed flat, having become an empty shell. Once flattened, my partner up and leaves since they no longer are getting support, leaving me like the juiced-out rind of a lemon to wither in the sun. So, perhaps it is best to not get juiced-out again.

But, at the same time, I have been feeling very lonely. Usually, I'm alone, but not lonely. Perhaps it is seeing my non-team dwindling down and leaving...and being looked at in that pitying way and being told I'll find someone. It's sweet and well-intentioned and all, but it won't happen. I just have to learn to get that last 1% of hope to quiet down every now and again when it raises its voice.