Freedom's just another word for "nothing left to lose"

On March 8, I turn 30.

I'm not happy about it. I used to always believe that I would be one of those women proud of making it through the years. However, I found myself curled into a foetal position on my bed Friday night, sobbing about the impending event. I hate that my reaction was so f*cking typical and something lots of people go through. My anger about being 30 and not feeling like I have any milestones is the big issue. I feel like, when I look back at the last 8 years of my life in particular, there isn't much that I can say "Hey! Look what I did!" about. No significant other. No marriage. No divorce. No kids. No home of my own. No milestones.

And, as many other do, I find myself whining about how this was not where I thought I would be at this age. But, remember, whining is anger coming out of a small hole...so, I guess I'm just really angry about it and angry with myself since I am, after all, responsible for the events of my life in the end.

Oh well. The day will come. It will happen. Life will go on. It will just be another day in the plod/rut.

Speaking of the rut, I am officially fed-up with my job. So, I will be applying (with the encouragement of my current boss) for a management-like position that is opening up and for which we are waiting for the posting. The job is managing the entire HR training area of the company. It is at least two levels above my own positiion right now. I have a background in human resource development (HRD) and was a graduate assistant in the program of the same name in graduate school. I've been designing and delivering training programs for adults for the past 10 years and have been overseeing budgets and personnel in my current position as well as stepping in to design and conduct training courses that should have been overseen and designed by the person in the vacant position. My boss thinks it would be the best thing for me since I do have the background and there really is nowhere for me to move in my current area without him leaving. I don't really want the position, but I do know I would be good in it. It would also mean another $20K in salary at least. That would mean being able to purchase a place and really save money for having a child in the next five years.

Now, all I need to do is find the most recent copy of my resume and finish tapping references. Hmmm...my boss should have my resume I used to get my current job so I may refer to it to make sure my dates are right.

wheeeeeeee. Bye bye 20's. I wish I knew you better.